New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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