I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
