I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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