Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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