ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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