I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
