i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
