I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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