And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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