First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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