I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
