As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
