remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize