it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
