It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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