he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
