How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
