it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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