Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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