If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
