So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
