Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
