Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
