i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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