U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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