I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
