Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
