I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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