my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
