plz talk dirty to me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is wine microwaveable?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
