If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
