dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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