wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
