That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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