I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
