So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize