K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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