you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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