Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
