the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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