Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
