I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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