"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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