he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Less talking, more tequila
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
