you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
