Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
