Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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