the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
