I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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