WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
