Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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