Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
