I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
