I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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