Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
