i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
