Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
