I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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