I faked an abortion last night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
