Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
