Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize