Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
