I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This girl is more easily done than said...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
