he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
