i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
