yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This house was built for laser tag.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are a genius and a whore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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