So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
