Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
