who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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